I am saying goodbye because I'm not coming back.

I am on the van headed to the airport. On my way to Kenya. It seemed like we would never get to this day, especially after the events of the last 24 hours. However a little, or not so little, airport fire can keep is away. I'm not sure why I am going. I really don't like flying so I guess I will take an 18 hour flight. I don't like strange foods so I guess I will go somewhere where the food is different and we should try everything to be polite. I'm not good with tools or building things so I will go build an
AIDS orphan home. I'm pretty sure I will be in be way more than helpful. Despite my many anxieties there doesn't seem to be any stopping me from going. I am being pulled to Kenya. Not by any person but by God. The Holy Spitit is pulling me. I don't know what to expect when I get there. I can't imagine what it will be like. I am surprisingly calm about it all. Being the control freak that I am I should be worried about what I will encounter. This process of preparing for this trip has changed me. I have become more prayerful. I have learned to lean on God when the fear and anxiety try to overtake me. I have learned to seek the prayers of others. These things are new for me at this level haven't left the county yet and the trip has already changed me. I can't begin to imagine what will happen to me  while I am gone. As I have said my goodbyes the one thing that I have heard over and over is "Just come back".  I smile and nod and say thank you. What I don't say is "No, I don't think I can do that". I can't just come back. I've already been changed even before I left so I don't think simply coming back  is an option. I have full expectation that I will come back as someone different. My physical self will be back. I do not have plans to move. At least not at this moment. I am praying for a change that others will notice without saying a word. I pray I come back fearless and bold. That the love of Christ shines through me. I want to be bold enough to challenge those around me to see the invisible, hear the stories of the hurting and love the ones forgotten. God is unstoppable and one day I will be too. It starts with this plane...